I’ll be 39 in less than a month. It’s possible I’m having a hard time with it. Everyone said 30 would be rough for me, but it wasn’t at all. I’d just signed my first book contract, gotten a promotion at work, was living in a house I’d built from the ground up and loved, and at the time, my marriage was going well. So, what’s different now? Well, first of all, I haven’t published a book since 2013. Am I writing? No. Not like I should be. I have six things in progress (cuz literary schizophrenia) but I’m not making time for it. Don’t be a writer, be writing. I am working on something that calls to me more than the others, as it mirrors my own life. Fiction? Yes. But pulled from reality for sure. I would like to finish that book by the end of the year. Yes. I’ve just decided. I am going to finish that book by the end of the year. It’s under my Pen Name, which I’m changing. It was Lee Ralaine (my middle names) and I’m going to Christina Wulff, because, that’s just a damn good name for a romance author.

Speaking of Wulff…

The other thing different is that I’m not married anymore. Well, one signature away from not being married anymore anyway. In the end it was a mutual decision, so don’t cry for me Argentina. It was the best move for both of us and I hold no resentment toward him. He did the best he could. I am, as you know if you follow this blog, seeing someone and his last name is Wulff. It’s just a good name, right? I’m completely obsessed with the whole wolf/wulff thing. I’ve even been playing around with True North 2 ideas ( http://www.devinedestinies.com/true-north/ ) though, that’s not the thing I was talking about earlier. (See. Schizophrenia.) I’ve become enthralled with wolf fantasy art and have a few cute shirts, phone cases – it’s a whole thing. He’s younger than me and this may be another reason 39 is getting to me. No, I don’t look it – but at some point I will. Right? Oily skin can’t save you forever. Though, my dad is 70 and looks 50…so there’s that.

The rest is very similar – got a promotion at work and love my job, just moved into my DREAM house that I built from the ground up, just bought myself a new car (2018 cutest-thing-you’ve-ever-seen Civic) and overall life is pretty good.

So, why is this hard for me? I honestly can’t say.

Perhaps it’s just the good old march of time reminding me that life is half over. That I’ve only got so many years left to see Ireland and go to Tomorrowland (which is most certainly a thing before I’m too old lol). Is this what a mid-life crisis is? One could argue yes. Threw my husband out, got a hot, young boyfriend and a cute new car. *looks around* I mean, sometimes you just have to do something drastic and take a chance. Sometimes you just have to stand up and say, this is my life and I’m at the point where I can afford to live it the way I want to. There is a moment when you stop and say to yourself, I’ve spent ALL of my life taking care of everyone else and doing the best I can. My turn. And, I guess that’s where I’m at.

Happy almost birthday to me. Karma – it’s me and you, kid. Let’s shake some shit up.

30 y/o me – 39 y/o me
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