It’s been a while. Since I posted, since I wrote, since I was honest with myself. I published my first book in print December of last year and it was the worst experience of my life. Needless to say, I won’t be finishing the series so I don’t even bother promoting the book. I would hate that, to read a book and then never know what happened.

I took the whole thing pretty hard. In addition to the bad reviews, there are typos galore and I can only blame myself for that. They’re my words. It was my story. If there is a to where there should’ve been a too, I have no one to blame but myself. The problem, I mean the crushed-my-soul-and-left-me-broken problem was that I allowed myself to think I’d done something worthwhile. For just a brief moment in time, I entertained the idea that I, little ‘ol me, was a good writer. I’m not. I can tell a story with the best of them, but the actual art of writing is something I still need to work on.

So here we are, damn near a year later and I haven’t written anything new at all. I have seven things in progress, one of which I would like to finish, but I don’t even know who wrote those words anymore. I feel so very jaded at this point, just about life in general. I remember when my heart was carefree and I would argue with someone for hours about love and how it was the most important force on this earth. Now I tend to think the ability to forgive and move on trumps all, and sadly, I’ve never been good at either of those things.

I feel like I’ve got a lot of support coming my way on the home front, so this is the first step in officially climbing back on the wagon. I’m happier when I write and a happy Christy is good for everyone.

In addition to these little novels I’ve got going on here, I write proposals for a large staffing firm for my day job. We provide healthcare staffing services to facilities nationwide and sweet Lord and Baby Jesus I love this company. We’re in our busy season and things are hectic, but I try to put a piece of my heart in every single proposal that goes out. I want whoever is tasked with reading these things to know that these people they’re reading about care about what they do. The folks behind these words come to work every day happy, even when we’re so busy we forget to pee (you know when you have to pee but you’re busy and tell yourself you’ll wait, forget and then have to make a mad dash for the potty a few hours later).

I think my enthusiasm is frowned on a bit by others in the proposal writing field. You’re not supposed to let your heart show in proposal writing. You’re supposed to offer solutions to the points brought up in their request. But what happens when heart IS the answer? *yells and shakes fist to the sky* I mean, we’re talking about people who need nurses and doctors and kids who need therapy. Isn’t heart a big part of what we have to offer? I’m here to tell you that it is. And for as long as they’ll have me, I’ll keep sending off little pieces of mine in every response package we submit. I mean, mine’s been broken and might be a little used up, but you can bet your booty that it knows how to love and love well. Maybe one day I’ll hear something like – oh hey, they said we won this proposal because your cover letter made someone cry, but until then I’ll just keep on writing.

People say things all the time like, ‘It’s not personal, it’s business. Leave your emotions out of it.’ That’s crap. This is personal to me. Everything about it is personal; from the words I write to the people I support and the wonderfully talented healthcare professionals we put to work and the lives we change because of them. So yeah, how about this for once: It’s not business. It’s personal.

Cheers to all the healthcare providers out there. For all you do, we thank you.