Disappointment. What an ugly word. It even looks ugly what with the ‘point’ right in the middle endlessly ‘point’ing it’s finger right at you. But the truth is, disappointment is a fact of life. Just another one of those cold, hard realities that we must learn to face/overcome/learn from. The worst of all though, is when we are disappointed in ourselves. It’s one thing to look at a stranger and pass judgment on their actions. It is quite another to look in the mirror and face our saddened expression knowing we have royally messed up. Sometimes, there is a fix. Something you can take back or try to mend. Other times, it is the end of a chapter in your life and there is nothing left to do but accept the consequence and move on.

My only advice (though I can never take my own advice) would be, don’t beat yourself up over it. If you learned from it, if you will never ever look at yourself in the mirror facing the same disappointment, then you have grown as a person. If you know now, more than you knew then, perhaps it’s not disappointment that you feel at all. Perhaps, it’s growing pains.

“The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.” ~ Robert Kiyosaki. Smart fella.

I’m sitting in the window seal of my hotel room on the thirty-second floor of The Grand Hyatt in New York. The window opens just enough to let the noise from the streets and a small breeze come through and I feel the wind blow my hair while I listen to the horns honk.

It is my first trip to New York.

I had to work in the office all day today but yesterday Maria took me all over the city, to Central Park and on about fifteen different subways. This is her town. It reminds me of her even though she had to leave today. The fast pace, the drive. Everything about the city makes me think of her.

The weather is perfect. It feels like Florida during a cool snap in March. Crisp air with just enough of a chill to make the hair on your arms stand up. And the wind! I didn’t think there would be any wind but it whips around the buildings constantly blowing. I haven’t been overly impressed with the food and would probably let someone pull one of my fingernails out right about now for a glass of sweet tea and a slawdog but I will not leave without having some authentic New York cheese cake…damnit. I did, however, have the best time ever last night singing karaoke with the CMO of my company. Grease, Summer Loven. Oh yeah.

I’m having a good time but I could never live here. I’m a country girl at heart, wide open spaces and all that. I love falling asleep to the sound of a whippoorwill and waking to the morning sun peaking in over the trees. I like people that say “yes ma’am” when you ask them a question and “I’m sorry” when they run into you. I like dirt roads and bugs. A very wise (and handsome) man once said to me, “you have to be happy where you live and everything else will fall into place.” He speaks the truth. When I board the plane home tomorrow, I’ll be going back to what makes me happy. I’m sure I’ll be back, NYC. Try not to miss this country girl too much.