2012. You and I, well, it’s just not working out. I think it’s best if we just let each other go. I think we can both agree that things started off great, but then you couldn’t hide your true colors any longer and it just fell apart.

That’s how I feel; like I’m trying to recover from a bad relationship. I can’t put 2012 into a category. It wasn’t good, damn sure wasn’t good, but I can’t exactly say it was bad either.

We lost our house, but moved into a nicer house for less money and I have an office so…

I didn’t get any promotions at work, but I did get placed on a task force and introduce a program that now the entire North American Marketing department is going to use so… yeah.

See what I mean? Not good, not bad.

I am older and starting to not like that. Even when I turned 30 I was like, ‘Ehh, whateva.’ But now, 33 is making me unhappy. My heart…is a mixed up place. Always has been and always will be. I maintain that I’m ‘more’ than most people. I’m not normal, well, to those who have to be around me every day. I’m a very normal, even somewhat tame, writer, but I don’t have any other writers in my family so they all think I’m crazy. Really. I’m surprised someone hasn’t tried to have me committed yet. I feel like they all give me sideways glances when I’m buried in a notebook, taking notes on the thoughts that come pouring into my head, or have to refrain from asking me if I’m okay when I start mumbling to myself and shuffle off to my laptop, my story, my soul.

I’m trying to keep my expectations for 2013 pretty low. In fact, I don’t have any at all. All I can do is wake up each day and view it as a new chance to get something right, which at this point, would be a damn miracle.

• Save more money than you spend. Really. You don’t need that Coach purse.
• Keep your focus on who cooks your meals and pays your bills, the rest is just background noise.
• Try something new, go somewhere new, listen to something new…life’s too short for the continuation of the mundane.
• And finally, my personal favorite: It is never too late to become what you might have been.

I am writing. I swear. I now have two windows open and one contains my almost halfway finished novel, the other this blog that will consist of my rambling thoughts. Sarah, the main character in the last installment of the Maldito series, refuses to listen to me. Like, she just keeps showing up in places she shouldn’t be. Shall I explain? I am writing a duel, 1st person POV thing with Sarah as an MC and Andres as the other. I have (had) a chapter by chapter outline and it clearly stated that in Chapter 10 (Andres) Sarah was NOT to be in it at all and yet she shows up at the bar Andres is at, tracking down bad guys, because he didn’t call her back. This, as you can imagine, makes it very difficult for me because God knows I can never hit the backspace key unless my editor tells me to. Like… well… here read this. *Warning*, speaking of my lovely editor, she is yet to see this so shhhhh, I don’t want to hear about the commas. I hate them. She puts them in later.

I was about to turn and leave when I caught sight of her. I felt sick, upset, furious, and hysterical all in the same moment. Stupid human emotions, I thought remembering why I didn’t miss having them. She was standing beside the bar, overtly flirting with the bartender who was eyeing her as if she were a piece of meat. Her hair was different, cut in a short style that exposed her long neck. One side was tucked precariously behind her ear. My God, she was beautiful. I stalked over to her, very nearly knocking several people over in my haste.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her though my clenched teeth.

Though her smile never faltered, I could see the flash of hurt across her face. She took my tone as annoyance, or something of the sort. I rushed to correct her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way,” I began. I was yelling. One had to yell to be heard over the music, but it was still only loud enough for her to hear.

She cut me off, managing to be heard by not only myself but quite a few people in the area. “Well, if you would ever call anyone the hell back I wouldn’t have to beg Abby to tell me where you were but never mind. I can see I’ve made a mistake.”

She flew past me, heading for the door. I would not chase after her. I needed to stay where I was. I wasn’t any closer to finding out about the vamp changing people in my city, or the human trafficking than I had been on Sunday when I witnessed the disgusting scene. Keen’s was the common connection. I was sure of it. Turning my body away from her, I leaned on the counter. And stayed there for a solid three seconds.

Damn this infernal woman.

See what I’m saying? She wasn’t supposed to be there. Reading that back, I don’t like the part about the human trafficking. It’s not flowing right. That’s what it is though. Anyone know a better way to say that? Ughh.

On a personal note, I find myself rather stable in my life. Generally happy and content. While this is good for my soul, it has been reeking havoc on my ability to write. Go figure. Once this book is done, I am going to finish Fireflys I think. Or perhaps Gemini. That one is going to be good. I’ll really have to plan that one though. And since Courtney is the main character of that one (and Timeless Love) she will HAVE to listen to me. Hehehehehehehe.

Sia, My Love. Listen to it. Right now. That is all. ~night~