You know those days when you wake up and the sky is ominous and you have this sense of dread, like you should just get your butt right back under the covers and stay there? Well, today was not one of those days. It started out as a fine day. Truth be told, the sky was a little gray but I’m a fan of gray so it was fine by me.

Once at work I find out that this fella I work with’s little dog was attacked and murdered by a larger dog. He was there, saw the whole thing, tried to fight the other dog off…it was bad. And he is truly the nicest male I’ve ever met. Like, consistently nice, kind, respectful, just a class act all the way, you know.

About an hour into that, I get a call from my husband and his step-dad, my father-in-law has passed away. This is sad news in and of itself. Phil, but we called him Pops, was also a class act. Would give you the shirt off his back and not think a thing of it, always made me feel welcome, just good ‘ole people. Add to this, my hysterical sister (she’s my sisiter-in-law but I call her my sister because she’s more my sister than any of theirs) and you’ve got yourself some pretty messed up shit. She’s 18, I mean, I’ve heard her be dramatic. This.Was.Not.That. Have you ever heard someone’s heart break? Like, heard it rip in two and fall from their mouth in choking sobs? Well, trust me. You don’t want to. Ever.

My husband and I just got back home from going over to his mom’s house. It’s pretty bad over there. Just memories of Pops everywhere you look; his jacket draped over the chair, the eagles and military memorabilia he collected still on prominent display, little pieces of him reminding you that he’s not there. My sister, I just don’t know. She looked like a zombie. She’d been crying all day, but still. Just staring into space, nodding when spoken to. It’s not like her. It’s not good. So now I’m here, writing all of this on my iPad because I just don’t feel like getting my laptop out but want to get these words out of me before they swell up like wedding rice inside a bird and make me burst:

It’s not fair. Why does bad shit happen to good people? Why does just the most vile, despicable stuff happen to people (and baby puppies) who didn’t do one damn thing to deserve it? Do you hear me, God? We’re all about transparency now, right? All about everyone having to know the reason for every freaking thing, so I want a reason for that. Anytime now would be great. I’ll wait.

September 25, 2012
In Memory of Cookie Davis and Phillip Bosland

When it comes to matters of the heart, I honestly wonder if we have any say in it at all. Can we choose who to love or who to care about? Can we convince ourselves that someone is not the one, even if every fiber of our being is screaming that they are? If there is such a thing as fate, and some things are just meant to be, does that mean they’ll be easy? Should ‘fate’ take care of everything and bend time and space, no matter the consequences, to allow two people to be together?

Fate is a general them in all three of my books. Everything that happens in book one, sets up the events in book two and everyone you meet in book two, plays an integral role in book three, even though it is twenty years later. As a writer, forced to interconnect all these events, I am now more aware of them as I see them occur around me. But in real life, there aren’t always happy endings.