Trust, I’ve decided, is an odd, odd thing. If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think it has very much to do with the other person at all – not when you’ve been lied to as much as I have. I think either you have the capacity to trust in people or you don’t. I suppose people can earn your trust and prove that they deserve it, but if you’re not the kind of person to freely give it, it’s going to be a fight on their part regardless.
Now, let’s say something breaks the fragile trust you’ve managed to build up. Doesn’t matter what it is, if it really happened, if it’s true, it’s the perception of trust that matters.
It’s the perception of anything that matters. No one cares about what is actually going on. It’s how the thing is perceived within their own minds and their own hearts. How does it affect them? How does it make them feel? Fuck the truth. Fuck the reality of the situation. But I digress…
So, the perception of trust is gone. Maybe just in one certain situation. Let’s say you no longer trust someone with driving your child around if they’ve been in a wreck, or you no longer trust someone with money if they’re constantly overdrawing their account. Have you lost all trust in them? Is the entire perception of trust gone, or just in those areas? And what is an acceptable demand post-loss of trust? Is it acceptable to demand changes of behavior? Is it acceptable to give ultimatums for your own sanity? Or should you just wash your hands of a situation that will never, ever again be the same?
I don’t know the answer here, I’m asking. Asking you guys, asking the universe, asking myself? I don’t know. But I’m asking someone. I’m pretty close to giving up on the human race, in general, as a species, so any advice is appreciated and welcome.